Project Natal the new Xbox?

June 12, 2009
This better not be true!

This better not be true!

Ready for a crazy ass rumour?

The fellas over at 1up chatted up what can be expected of Natal when it launches sometime next year and word has it (from confidential informants, of course) that it won’t just be any old peripheral release.

No sir!

Natal may in fact be a relaunching of the Xbox 360 itself, with a new title (they suggest Xbox Natal, I suggest Xbox Please Don’t Fucking Do This). There’s a chance the relaunched console will not only come with the camera but also incorporate slight hardware upgrades to allow developers to take advantage if they so choose. It won’t be a generational jump, but rather something similar to what Nintendo did.

“It’s actually not that unlike what Nintendo did with the Wii, where it essentially took the GameCube hardware, stuck in motion controls, and successfully relaunched it,” writes Sam Kennedy.

All I see here is the potential to segregate the market if Microsoft went through with this. It’ll create a system of haves and have nots unless they release Natal itself as a standalone product, which a product and brand relaunch does not suggest. It’ll also make me very angry, sitting here looking at my gen-1 360 and wondering, “why aren’t you better you fat cow? God, I should have married the black one. Her family had always treated me well.”

Kennedy concludes, “So when would we first hear about this new Xbox console? Our sources point to next year’s Game Developer’s Conference as the target for its unveiling and Fall 2010 as the target for release.”

The three (3!) hour long Listen Up! can be found here.


Why isn’t Peter Molyneux a politician?

June 12, 2009

I mean, god forbid he’ll ever live up to any of his grandiose, ground shattering promises but we still believe! He’s like gaming’s Obama, where every word that leaves his mouth has this riveting quality that makes us all think, hey, everything will be okay now. I don’t know if it’s his arm gestures that are putting people into some kind of mental induction or if it’s that damned voice, but I believe everything he says about Milo and Project Natal.

I know most of this stuff will never come to fruition, but…damnit!

Bioware are trailer gods

June 3, 2009


Bioware’s trailers have always been good, but they outdid themselves this year with three. Two of which are fantastic. There’s the Star Wars Old Republic cinematic trailer that so far blows away anything George Lucas has done in the last two decades that it’s ridiculous. The choreography and grandiosity makes you wonder why the fuck Lucas didn’t do this for the prequel movies. Y’know, instead of just taking a nice watery shit into the mouths of fans. Maybe I’m being too harsh on Lucas. He did help give us a fourth Indy movi…Fuck you Lucas.

I don’t know how a story driven MMO will turn out, but on the strength of the trailer alone I’ll at least give the game a try. Hopefully it enraptures me more than WoW, which I never got past level 14 on. Fingers crossed for a public beta. Toes crossed the system requirements won’t snuff out my relatively chuggy set-up.

Then the Mass Effect 2 trailer just gave us what we wanted – Commander Shepherd and a whole lot of killing. The game looks brutal and a lot darker than the original though still devoid of blood despite an M rating. C’mon Bioware, can’t we get a dismemberment or two? I mean, those are some pretty powerful weapons the characters a wielding.

Then there was a Dragon Age trailer. It, y’know, has rock music and stuff. I won’t link to it here because it doesn’t deserve it. Game looks alright, but there was just something off about that trailer. Maybe it was the really crappy melding of bloody medieval monster slaying and generic death metal…Yep, it was definitely because of that.

But man those other two.


E3: Microsoft press conference impressions

June 2, 2009

Man, I feel like I’m really late for the party but I didn’t actually have the time today to watch it until just awhile ago. Like every press conference, it was full of self-congratulatory rhetoric, but it’s a necessary evil to get to the real meat – the shocking or kickass game announcments. So, how did Microsoft handle being first up at bat? Did they hit a homerun, or did they strike out? Sink the three or threw up a brick? In other words, did they do well enough to make me stop using horrendous sports metaphors?

Well, yes, I guess.  Let’s break it down further.'s a'ight.

Read the rest of this entry »

Crytek reveals what system CryEngine 3 looks better on

May 17, 2009

Fanboys love flamewars. Love them. So when a company like Crytek comes out with a kickass graphics engine many of these retards will be thinking “what system handles it better?” The short answer is it’ll be about the same.

As can be expected, this is quite a paradox for a fanboy’s brain to handle. If something is equal, how can you disparage the “other” side? How can the SDF blow their wads when the Xbots have the same ammunition?

In an interview with Edge magazine, Crytek’s director of technology Mark Atkinson reveals that the 360 version and the PS3 version runs “at the same speed.” But there has to be some kind of difference, right? The fanboys can’t be left in a limbo without flaming, can they? Atkinson goes a bit more in depth about each systems architecture, saying “if the game’s shader-heavy it runs a bit faster on 360; if it’s compute-heavy with physics and particles, then the SPUs take over and it’s a bit quicker on PS3.”

So, it’ll essentially look the same to the human eyes who don’t have two HDTV’s running two versions of a game on both systems side by side, gamers who choose to do so can resort to theoretical spreadsheet data to stroke their console egos.

With the graphical difference between the PS3 and 360 already proven negligible by countless games looking beautiful on both platforms, it’s with Excel spreadsheets that fanboys will not have to resort to. Oh noes, the PS3 has 44 more pixels rendered per explosion, or oh rlly, the 360 has two more textures in this quadrant of the screen.

Fucking retards.