Wii is kicking ass! I’m ambivalent.

June 12, 2009
Wii Wins! Weally? Weally!

Wii Wins! Weally? Weally!

It seems the Wii is doing pretty well.  I guess. I think Nintendo’s going to make it, fellas. And here I thought it was at death’s door!

Sarcasm ends….now.

MCV reports that after 31 months on sale in the US, the Wii’s 20 million units sold set the all time record for fastest selling console this side of the pond. It begs the question why 31 months is used as the measuring stick. Why not an even 36 months? What’s wrong with 33 months? Why was the 30 month mark skipped over? Anyways, it’s still an impressive milestone. “The continued enthusiastic consumer response to our products shows that Nintendo has something for everyone,” says Cammie Dunaway, Nintendo of America’s executive vice president of sales and marketing.

I guess I’ll give Nintendo some kudos for reaching that mark. God forbid I’ll never own a Wii until someone gives me one, but I guess there are a lot of really satisfied soccer moms getting fit out there.

Now that Microsoft and Sony have better gimmicky and superfluous motion peripherals, I have no reason to ever consider the Wii. Ever.

But congrats Nintendo – keep doin’ work.


Nintendo conference is GO!

June 2, 2009

And I won’t be here to watch it. Life beckons and watching Reggie brag about how awesome Nintendo is isn’t exactly high on list of priorities. I have a prediction of how the Nintendo press conference will go:

  • Reggie and/or that stupid lady from last year brags.
  • Bullshit game reveal that’s not as good as they think.
  • Pie charts and graphs detailing why they deserve to brag.
  • Bullshit casual game.
  • More bragging.
  • Embarassing demonstration of bullshit casual games.
  • More bragging.
  • Miyamoto introducing his newest inspiration – mowing grass!
  • Bragging.
  • Maybe an okay looking Conduit trailer and gameplay.
  • Bullshit casual game.
  • Reggie dances.
  • Everyone leaves unsatisfied.

Nintendo promises, I disbelieve.

April 15, 2009
Kicking asses and taking names...of the elderly.

Kicking asses and taking names...of the elderly.

In a recent interview, Reggie Fils-Kicking-Asses-Taking-Names-Aimes promised that Nintendo was going to make us core gamers proud this upcoming E3. He says, “we always go into E3 with a very high bar wanting to satisfy not only the core fans but also ourselves.”

What do I hear? I hear, “I just made a bajillion dollars off of core gamers’ elderly grandparents who don’t give two shits about core games, so obviously I’ll put appeasing hardcore gamers at the top of my to-do list, which, incidentally, is made out of cold, hard, cash.”

He follows up, “In case you didn’t notice, I was being sarcastic. Fuck core gamers.”

I don’t believe one bit that Nintendo gives a damn about it’s fanbase anymore. It’s current primary market, the Alzheimered elderly and the ignorant baby-boomers, couldn’t care less about Nintendo’s proud heritage of steel-hard core games. All Nintendo has to do is release Wii Fit II, Wii Sports II, and, I don’t know, Wii Shit (an advanced simulation of crapping, complete with toilet peripheral) and it’ll make more profit than both Sony and Microsoft combined.

So screw you Reggie. You are lying to the faces of gamers everywhere, and you don’t care. But I don’t blame you. I’d probably be a douchebag, too, if I had hundred dollar bills to wipe my ass with. While I play the upcoming Wii Shit, natch.