Because I really don’t want to give the movie more attention than it deserves, or forgo mentioning a summer tent pole, here’s my quick thoughts on McG’s latest masterpiece:
- It has terminators. Lots of them. On bikes, as giants, as planes. Terminating stuff.
- Kyle Reese. Anton Yelchin has grown on me, especially after Star Trek and now this. Too bad the movie doesn’t give us enough of him.
- Five minutes of Ahnuld. I have to admit, they did a pretty great job with the special effects when the T-800 does show up. Too bad its over before you know it.
- John Connor. It was unfortunate that Christian Bale took the Batman route and had Connor either yelling or harshly whispering the entire time. Plus, didn’t the previous two movies establish Connor was a sort of witty every man? Here he’s devoid of all the characteristics that we’ve come to expect from Connor. It’s a wonder how Connor can become so iconic in the future when he has no charm whatsoever.
- The story. Instead of being about something thought provoking, it’s pretty much about Connor meeting Kyle Reese and cramming as many explosions in between as possible. You don’t give two shits about anybody.
- The “twist”. Turns out Marcus’ mission was as some kind of Trojan to lure Kyle and John to Skynet, and with that done he’s given a choice of whether or not to continue helping the robots. This presents two idiotic problems. One, couldn’t he have killed Connor the first moment they met? And two, why even give him a fucking choice? Or better yet, why even use Kyle Reese as bait when you can kill Connor’s father right then! Man, for “superior” machine intellect, they are fucking retarded.
- Makes Terminator 3 look like fucking Picasso. I liked many parts of T3, mainly the kickass ending in the bunker, but I’ll admit it doesn’t hold a candle to the previous two movies. It really wouldn’t take that much to match it, and McG completely fails to even do that.
- It’s PG-13. This means there’s a lot of bloodless violence and a lack of vernacular I would expect people fighting for their existence against killer fucking robots to say. With frequency.