Nintendo promises, I disbelieve.

April 15, 2009
Kicking asses and taking names...of the elderly.

Kicking asses and taking names...of the elderly.

In a recent interview, Reggie Fils-Kicking-Asses-Taking-Names-Aimes promised that Nintendo was going to make us core gamers proud this upcoming E3. He says, “we always go into E3 with a very high bar wanting to satisfy not only the core fans but also ourselves.”

What do I hear? I hear, “I just made a bajillion dollars off of core gamers’ elderly grandparents who don’t give two shits about core games, so obviously I’ll put appeasing hardcore gamers at the top of my to-do list, which, incidentally, is made out of cold, hard, cash.”

He follows up, “In case you didn’t notice, I was being sarcastic. Fuck core gamers.”

I don’t believe one bit that Nintendo gives a damn about it’s fanbase anymore. It’s current primary market, the Alzheimered elderly and the ignorant baby-boomers, couldn’t care less about Nintendo’s proud heritage of steel-hard core games. All Nintendo has to do is release Wii Fit II, Wii Sports II, and, I don’t know, Wii Shit (an advanced simulation of crapping, complete with toilet peripheral) and it’ll make more profit than both Sony and Microsoft combined.

So screw you Reggie. You are lying to the faces of gamers everywhere, and you don’t care. But I don’t blame you. I’d probably be a douchebag, too, if I had hundred dollar bills to wipe my ass with. While I play the upcoming Wii Shit, natch.


It’s already too late. Skynet is active…

April 14, 2009

I implore you not to be freaked the fuck out by this. We need to destroy this thing before it has sentience.