Foundation moving ahead!

July 26, 2009
Emmerich will not do Hari Seldon justice.

Emmerich will not do Hari Seldon justice.

The Foundation books were some of my very first forays into the wide yonder of operatic space melodrama. And hell, I loved the shit out of it (ummm…I’m gonna say that line made sense). It gave me everything I wanted in sci-fi: a sprawling space empire, wars, aliens, and best of all, legitimately smart and engaging characters. And here it is, finally about to be realized on the big screen by none other than…

Roland fucking Emmerich?

Roland “going where even Michael Bay fears” Emmerich?

Roland “welcome to ‘errf'” Emmerich?

Okay, I’ll admit I dug Independence Day, but 10,000 BC and The Day After Tomorrow were fucking awful and maddeningly mediocre, respectively. 2012 looks like one stinking pile of donkey balls, covered in its own feces. The Patriot was his last good movie, and that was more brainless violence and excess entertaining than it was introspective and meaningful. And now one of my most beloved series is going into his hands? Well fuck me sideways, I think I’ve died and went to heaven, only to have my nuts kicked in. Repeatedly. For eternity.

See, I want a Foundation film to be made. Hell, I want the entire series to make the cut. But unless Emmerich becomes an entirely different kind of director for this movie, and you know he won’t, this will be an unmitigated disaster. The books need someone who can cut away sentimentality and overbearing heroism, both of which defines Emmerich’s career.

On the bright side, this will probably bring a how new generation into reading the books, which is something.

At least the writer Emmerich hired, Robert Rodat Saving (Private Ryan and The Patriot, bot I enjoy immensely), looks to have a head on his shoulders and shows some understanding of the series.

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Drag Me to Warcraft!

July 22, 2009
Wsn't there already a live act...oh, yeah.

Wsn't there already a live act...oh, yeah.

Are you seriously telling me this is happening? I mean, “serious” serious? Not a “hah, I got you you stupid douchebag! This can’t be serous!” serious?

Well, it’s happening. All official like, too.

It seems Sam Raimi and Legendary Pictures are going ahead with plans for a Warcraft movie. It’s being mega produced by mega-producer Charles Roven who helped The Dark Knight make more money than many small nations last year. The Comingsoon article (linked previously on this paragraph because I felt like it) goes on to give a congratulatory handjob detailing how successful Blizzard (fuck Activision. They had no hand in this) has become because of WoW’s logic defying, life changing, near religious status amongst millions of nerds and non-nerds alike. And girls.

“At its core, ‘Warcraft’ is a fantastic, action-packed story,” said Raimi. “I am thrilled to work with such a dynamite production team to bring this project to the big screen.”

I won’t deny that, but does anybody really want to watch 2 to 3 hours of high fallutin’, serious as nails in the scrotum, fantasy? Because the Warcraft storyline isn’t exactly the type of cheap escapist fare most look for in a summer flick. On top of that, most pf the millions playing WoW probably don’t give two shits about the underlying storyline. They play for the social aspects and the never ending array of loot.

Unless the end result is some earth rending sword or another, I don’t think a single WoW players cares if an NPC dies or not.

But who cares about my opinion, right? The movie, as of now, is being made. It’ll probably cost the GDP of Niger to make and a mildly acned geek somewhere probably just creamed his pants.

I’m just not that confident the demand is there to justify this grossly expensive endeavour. At least we’ll get a solid movie because of Raimi.


Heath Ledger’s last film role…in images!

July 20, 2009

Ledger’s last role, as Tony in Terry Gilliam’s The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus (I mispelled that three times typing it), looks to be one realy weird, really fucked up movie. Which is kind of par for the course for Gilliam. I don’t really know much about the plot (and I’m choosing not to find out more), but the pictures do give me hope that this is going to be all sorts of messed up.

Thanks Comingsoon for these (they have a handful more, but these are the ones I’m geeking out over).

Imaginarium

hr_imaginarium3

hr_imaginarium4

hr_imaginarium10


Half-Blood Prince line experience and movie review

July 15, 2009
Nice MySpace image, Potter.

Nice MySpace image, Potter.

Before the review, a bit on my pre-midnight experience : It was fomping insane.

My party arrived at 8:00 hoping to catch Bruno before Potter and there was already a line! And not just 3 or 4 freaks, but about 100 people! For a movie four hours away! The local news channel was also there recording and interviewing peopl.Well, Brunowas also sold out and, not wanting to wait in line, we tried another theatre. When that one was sold out too, we decided to get a pack of cards and sit with the Potter nuts.

Because, I guess, we’re kind of Potter nuts ourselves.

When we got back, maybe 8:55, with playing cards and Wendy’s hamburgers in hand, the line had spiralled around the theatre! On quick count, about 400 people were ahead of us. The sad, scary and pathetic part about this was when we finally got moving we were actually in the first third of the line!

It went on as far as the eye could see.

Crappy image, but the line continued back to those lights and beyond.

Crappy image, but the line continued back to those lights and beyond.

So we just played multiple games of Crazy 8’s Countdown and a number of 21 hands (for imaginary money). It also seemed that everyone driving by had to be douchebag enough to honk their horns incessantly and scream unintelligible sounds. One highlight was when I spotted a person walking towards the line with a sweatshirt that read “RAPE”. Who the hell wears a shirt like that? Upon closer inspection, it actually read “BAPE”. Still, it was hilarious.

Weird was the lack of people who dressed up. I mean, this was a midnight showing for diehard fans and I counted maybe a dozen people who bothered to dress up in English schoolchildren attire + robe. One person had a shower curtain. I expected a much higher turnout and at least one Dumbledore, given this particular Potter story. A lot of people were power reading the novel, though.

Probably to better nitpick with.

But eventually the insanity ceased and we all started moving into the theater at around 11:30. What wasn’t funny was the mad dash for seats everyone made. It was like the end of the world. We snagged relatively comfortable seats nearer the front and in centre. The concession lines were a sight, though. They all spiralled to the side, like the Milky Way’s arms. It was balletic how the lines were.

Anyways, was the movie worth the hoopla?

The Good:

  • Music. This is almost a default because the Harry Potter series has always had excellent orchestral scores and this was no different. It wasn’t quite the John Williams score of the first three, but any rendition of the theme is aces in my books.
  • Much darker. I’m glad I weathered the midnight lines because I was watching with fellow adults who could handle it, but even then the scene at the cavern with the Inferni was motherfucking stupidly scary. I can’t even imagine younger children watching that scene. I also love how brutal Draco’s stomp to Harry’s face is.
  • Better acting. The longer break paid off because everyone, especially Emma Watson, was a lot better here than in previous Potter films. I can’t really find a sore thumb amongst the bunch minus Radcliffe, but that’s more because Harry’s always been the least interesting character than it has to do with his acting abilities.
  • Final confrontation. I thought they did a great job redoing the climatic scene atop the tower. The book was a bit wonky, what with the cloaks involvement and a petrifying spell. Here it was a lot more natural and heartbreaking (I can attest to this because the three girls to my right all sobbed).
  • GREAT film making. The film is a sight to behold. It almost seemed that the world was changing because of the growing darkness, with sunlight now coming at a premium. It sets a really forbidding tone that could be downright depressing at times. But everything just looks so great, and most importantly, convincing. Everything seemed real, which is a long way from Harry fighting the troll in the second movie.

The Bad:

  • Cut a LOT from the books. I know, a movie is a movie, and a book is a book. BUT, there were still a lot of things that I thought could’ve made the movie and made it better. Things like Dumbledore’s funeral (uh, spoiler?) was washed over completely and Snape’s subplot of trying to get the potion back was dropped completely. All the hints of Snape being the Prince were gone so the payoff at the end wasn’t earned.
  • The non-plot elements. I have to admit the movie lost me every time it dragged on and on and on with the relationship bits. I understand they were a necessary evil, but I can’t help but think things could’ve been expedited somewhat.

The Ugly:

  • Inferni. Damn those things are freaky.
  • Poor dining hall. Fuck you Bellatrix.

Verdict: This is easily the best Potter film since the third. It’s got great character drama, the best visual effects the series has ever seen and a compelling story. I’ll admit I didn’t much like the last two movies due to their pacing and weaker stories, but this movie has me amped about The Deathly Hallows. I still don’t understand the need for two movies (seeing that the book has an extended section of them camping in the woods that I want cut) but I’ll still be right there to watch them.


Kung Fu Kid starts filming…

July 13, 2009
Jaden "Welcome to Earff" Smith

Jaden "Welcome to Earff" Smith

…and I kind of want to hurl.

It’s not that I’m against remakes, it’s just that everything about this remake makes me nauseous. From a bottoming out of Jackie Chan’s Hollywood career to having the title character be a ten year old kidthat looks like a gentle zephyr could tear his ligaments apart.

I mean, sure the original Karate Kid had a LOT of things that don’t really stand the test of time (like that entire tournement and, y’know, the karate kid), but at least it was about a teenager that could conceivably fight anouther teenager.

Can anybody, with a straight face, possibly see Jaden Smith go up against the Cobra Kai or, well, anyone? I swear to god if he takes down a secret ninja (or secret kung fu fighter) training compound despite being 4 feet tall and 60 pounds I will buy 3 Ninjas and fornicate the DVD.

That is not a lie. I will violate a used copy of 3 Ninjas if that happens, and give 3 Ninjas Knuckle Up a nice handjob while I’m at it.

I don’t know when I’ve wanted another movie to fail this badly. Okay, I kind of want Halloween 2 (the remake) to fail worse, but not by that much.


Natalie Portman as Jane Foster in Thor

July 13, 2009
You can nurse me anytime.

You can nurse me anytime.

Earlier today Marvel extravagantly announced Natalie Preteen Assassin Portman will be playing Thor’s human love interest Jane Foster, which is weird because I had thought this was going to be a more Norse-centric story.

I guess I was wrong.

I’m a fan of Portman’s earlier work. Well, I was a fan of her in Leon The Professional. Well, I liked Jean Reno. And she was standing next to him a lot, so I guess I liked her second hand. Don’t much like her work elsewhere (Star Wars prequels and whatever the hell else she’s been in), but she sure is pretty and nurse-like, I guess.

Portman’s starring opposite Chris Hemsworth, who many won’t know as Kirk’s suiciding father in Star Trek. I guess that first five minutes was strong enough to land him a role in a $100+ (BIG ‘+’) million potential blockbuster. I’m still not quite sure if the movie has the same legs as Marvel’s Iron Man or X-Men, what with it being about Asgardian gods dressed in fancy outfits saying “thee” and “thou” and “wiggeshnicker” (okay, maybe not that one).

Writes Marvel of the story – “At the center of the story is The Mighty Thor, a powerful but arrogant warrior whose reckless actions reignite an ancient war. Thor is cast down to Earth and forced to live among humans as punishment. Once here, Thor learns what it takes to be a true hero when the most dangerous villain of his world sends the darkest forces of Asgard to invade Earth.”

Sounds very…iffy. Still, I love the character in the comics and at the very least diehard fans will come out in droves to see this.

Also iffy is Kenneth Branagh directing the movie. I hate the guy, mainly because I was forced to watch every fucking movie he’s made during high school English classes. I can’t equate him with anything other than Shakespeare and I despise him uncompromisingly and unjustifiably.

The movie comes out May 20th, 2011 which is only a few scant months before Marvel’s other summer tentpole, Captain America.


Here’s a Kick-Ass picture!

July 11, 2009
Courtesy of Aintitcool

Courtesy of Aintitcool