New writer for Grayskull!

May 13, 2009
My childhood was so....AWESOME

My childhood was so....AWESOME

It was reported that Warner Bros. decided to hire Evan Daugherty as the new screenwriter for the Grayskull movie, a gritty modern retelling of He-Man and the Masters of the Universe.

Being without an IMDB page, it seems that Evan is a rookie writer without a credit to his name. I’ve always wondered how rookies get gigs like this. I can understand having your script be picked up for the first time, but for someone to hire you to write a potential blockbuster with no past credit? Doesn’t add up.

I digress. This is significant to me in two ways – I just found out there had been plans to make a new He-Man movie, and that the movie is already being relatively fast tracked? How the hell did I not know of this project’s existence? I grew up idolizing He-Man. He, along with Biker Mice From Mars and Speed Racer formed my Saturday morning gauntlet. I made a He-Man chest thing (I’m not quite sure what to call it) out of duct tape, permanent marker and a whole lot of moxey, and took it to school with me. What did I care? I was six and I thought I was being extremely hip.

I’ve learned better.

Anyways, the only thing I’m worried about is the “gritty” being attached to this. What I want is camp, which is what the show was all about. I mean, just look at Orko. You can never make him gritty. Unless, of course, you make him some kind of hopped up meth hound.

Which would actually explain a lot.

With this and Speed Racer, that means only the Biker Mice are without a modern feature film. The marketing upside for this is huge, so make it happen Hollywood!


Observe and Report / Monsters Versus Aliens Review

April 13, 2009
He will fucking murder you.

He will fucking murder you.

I managed enough time on Friday to catch a couple of flicks and I gotta say, I regret taking my little brothers and sister to the first one.

Observe and Report

Observe and Report, a Seth Rogen Joint, was not what I expected it to be. Hilarious and over the top? Sure, like any other R-rated comedy I feel comfortable taking my impressionable siblings to. But there is something dark brewing under the surface of this movie. An extreme mean streak that’s sure to divide the people who watch it. This is the definition of a black comedy. There is almost no joy to be had in this movie – only a spiral of depression, misery and seriously fucked up shit.

Ronnie, Seth Rogen’s mall cop, is no Paul Blart. Ronnie is a bipolar wreck of a human being. He is rude, mean, and more than a touch psychotic. Ronnie is Travis Bickle-lite. He is exactly the person you do not want to know, let alone hang out with, unlike any other character Rogen has ever played. He is just uncomfortable to watch, and at times a bit nerve wracking.

And yet, by the end (and what an ending it is – I implore you to try to not blurt out a shocked, awkward laugh) of it all, I was thoroughly satisfied. I laughed, which is all I ask from a comedy, but I was also given something entirely unsuspected as well. I have to give the movie props for having the balls (pun intended) to not hold back at all.

Monster Bash!

Monster Bash!

Monsters Vs. Aliens

The second movie we went to was definitely more kid appropriate. We also agreed it was a lot worse. I love 3D movies, but only when they’re unobstructive like Bolt and Coraline. Here, it’s in your face ALL THE FUCKING TIME. It gets annoying and nauseating after awhile.

What of the movie itself? It redefines ‘ho-hum kiddy fare’ (The previous definition read ‘Charlotte’s Web AKA The Movie Before the Dakota Fanning Rape Movie’). I figured the premise was fool proof – monsters fighting aliens in glorious 3D done B-movie style. It kept the B-movie pedigree, but it under delivered everywhere else. Beside the aforementioned over-use of 3D, the story itself is weak and the characters aren’t exactly memorable. Reese Witherspoon’s Suzie is the central focus, but Suzie isn’t exactly compelling. The monsters fare better, but beside’s Rogen’s BOB none were compelling.

But hey, there are worse ways to waste a family outing. There’s always the Hannah Montana movie (which had a line up an hour before the first showing and the brats screamed when they were allowed in) or the Dakota Fanning Rape Movie. If anything, it’s completely harmless.

I recommend you take the children to Observe and Report, and have them learn a real life lesson – stay on your bipolar meds.

Expending some thoughts…

April 8, 2009


*Click the picture above for the full gallery*

Well, it seems Stallone’s brainchild is finally coming to fruition. And I am pumped to see this. Say what you will about the man himself, but he knows how to make nostalgic-laden movies. Rocky brought a tear to me eye, especially when Stallone unrobed (God that stung my retina), and Rambo taught me the virtues of not being shot with a chaingun point blank.

So The Expendibles is pretty much Stallone’s magnum opus, harking back to the unmitigated insanity that was 80’s action movies. Although not as epic a cast as he would’ve hoped (No Van Damme, no Snipes, possibly no Schar-however you spell it), it does have Li, Statham, Lundgren and Rourke to carry the load.

Not bad company.

Really, though, all I want from this movie is blood. Guts. Gore. GLORY. I couldn’t give less of a damn about the story, and I will be quite upset if Stallone attempts any character development beyond archetypal stereotypes. I want him and his men to face anyone remotely resembling evil/Communists/mutated apes and just tear them the fuck apart. I want limbs ripping other limbs apart, despite how ludicrous it is in hindsight. I want to see Jet Li do that crazy kick he did at the end of Romeo Must Die. Except over and over and over again.

I want the main characters to bathe in the blood of their enemies, and hug it out at the end.

Then I will be happy.