Random Matchups: Wolverine vs. Batman

March 22, 2010

Introducing a new regular (that was a lie) segment where whatever random matchup that dominates my mindset on any given day gets a platform to shine! Or to not make any sense. Whatever the case may be, I’ve got nothing else fer ya.

To inaugurate this most prestigious occasion, in which I’m not quite sure what prestigious means, let’s pit two of the most popular heroes from Marvel and DC’s pantheon in a head to head death match, to the death.

In the Yellow and Brown corner is…Wolverine!

  • Name: Wolverine AKA Logan AKA James Howlett AKA The short dude who says bub a lot AKA Wayne Gretzky.
  • Age: Old enough to be Larry King’s grandson.
  • Height: Extremely short, unless an artist forgets this. In which case he’s about 7’4.
  • Powers: Mutant healing factor making him immortal. Adamantium claws making him essentially a robot. Fierce scowl making him America’s next top model.
  • Pros: Tears people apart for little to no reason. Can never die, and has kicked Death’s ass for trying. Expert martial artist, who has such a fierce scowl.
  • Cons: Extremely short, emotional, and Canadian.

And in the Black and Gray corner is…Batman!

  • Name: Batman AKA ‘The’ Batman AKA Bruce Wayne AKA Matches Malone AKA Did you not read the last one?
  • Age: Eternally mid-30’s.
  • Height: Whatever Superman’s height it.
  • Powers: Can do, like, so many push-ups. A world class detective. Has the uncanny ability to have planned for every contingency, no matter how many random coincidences come up. A fierce scowl making him Wolverine’s #1 rival.
  • Pros: Is practically clairvoyant. Can do sit-ups. Kind of a jackass, but has a heart of gold (just like House!). Can do a roundhouse kick with the best of ’em. Shit ton of money. Scowl, baby.
  • Cons: Possibly a pedophile. Just a dude who works out, really. Is currently stuck in time, like Scott Bakula and last season of Lost.

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World of Green Cowl

April 9, 2009
This is the last time I look this good in this issue.

This is the last time I look this good in this issue.

World of New Krypton #2

Things got interesting last time with Superman essentially becoming a soldier in the Aryan-err, Kryptonian army. So, what manner of wacky hijinks can our adorable Kal-El get himself into this time? None, essentially. The issue revolved around him being all authoritative, and then herding space rhinos or something. But not just any kind of space rhino, but mind altering SUPER space rhino. Still, it doesn’t change the fact that it was still an issue about him herding animals. It ends on an intriguing note, with the workers guild rising up and taking a bunch of rich people hostage, but for some odd reason I doubt this will amount to much next issue.

A pretty bland story overall, with Robinson not really doing much in terms of plot or character development. Kal-el is still altruistic, Zod is still maniacal, Kara is still Kara, etc. And please, stop using the Gary Frank covers! They are so awesome, only to turn the page over and *blam* Pete Woods mediocrity kicks you square in the shin. Woods is a bad, bad artist. He might be awesome elsewhere, but with my sole experience with him on Superman, he’s been nothing but awful.

Rating: 3.9812 out of 12.51

Battle for the Cowl #2

Well, it’s the second issue and it’s already the penultimate chapter in artist turn writer/artist Tony Daniel’s three issue mega event. And it’s still rather disjointed and relatively soulless, and yes, it’s still mindlessly fun. It was pretty much a chapter long Jason Todd (*gasp* SPOILER!) ass kicking marathon. First kicking Grayson’s ass, shooting Damian and then stabbing Tim in the chest.


But we all know this badassery isn’t going to last, what with Dick Grayson all but guaranteed to be the next Batman and Damian as his Robin. The art is definitely lacking something compared to Daniels’ previous work on RIP. Maybe splitting his time between both writing and art is taking its toll.

Rating: 4 bloodied batarangs out of 7 killer man-bats.

Green Lantern #39

And here comes the Orange Lantern Corps! And I know I’m going to have a hard time differentiating them from the Sinestro Corps. I mean, just read the Sinestro Corps War and you’ll see the colour palette for the Yellow Lanterns there are virtually indistinguishable from the Orange Lanterns. And now there’s mention of an Indigo Corps? I mean, c’mon, we already have the Sapphires who are practically the same colour.

Anyways, colour bitching aside, the issue was below GL norm.I don’t mind exposition chapters, but when the exposition doesn’t reveal anything compelling, it’s just plain boring. It was nice seeing the Controllers getting torn apart, but that was the only great thing about the issue. I know, it’s just a set up for the next chapter which is almost guaranteed to be badass (Vega system going down, brotha’), but hey, I can complain if I want to.

Rating: 4 turquoise out of 6 navy blues.