It’s Dexter. It’s new footage. There’s John Lithgow. Blood.
It’s Dexter. It’s new footage. There’s John Lithgow. Blood.
The Foundation books were some of my very first forays into the wide yonder of operatic space melodrama. And hell, I loved the shit out of it (ummm…I’m gonna say that line made sense). It gave me everything I wanted in sci-fi: a sprawling space empire, wars, aliens, and best of all, legitimately smart and engaging characters. And here it is, finally about to be realized on the big screen by none other than…
Roland fucking Emmerich?
Roland “going where even Michael Bay fears” Emmerich?
Roland “welcome to ‘errf'” Emmerich?
Okay, I’ll admit I dug Independence Day, but 10,000 BC and The Day After Tomorrow were fucking awful and maddeningly mediocre, respectively. 2012 looks like one stinking pile of donkey balls, covered in its own feces. The Patriot was his last good movie, and that was more brainless violence and excess entertaining than it was introspective and meaningful. And now one of my most beloved series is going into his hands? Well fuck me sideways, I think I’ve died and went to heaven, only to have my nuts kicked in. Repeatedly. For eternity.
See, I want a Foundation film to be made. Hell, I want the entire series to make the cut. But unless Emmerich becomes an entirely different kind of director for this movie, and you know he won’t, this will be an unmitigated disaster. The books need someone who can cut away sentimentality and overbearing heroism, both of which defines Emmerich’s career.
On the bright side, this will probably bring a how new generation into reading the books, which is something.
At least the writer Emmerich hired, Robert Rodat Saving (Private Ryan and The Patriot, bot I enjoy immensely), looks to have a head on his shoulders and shows some understanding of the series.
Are you seriously telling me this is happening? I mean, “serious” serious? Not a “hah, I got you you stupid douchebag! This can’t be serous!” serious?
Well, it’s happening. All official like, too.
It seems Sam Raimi and Legendary Pictures are going ahead with plans for a Warcraft movie. It’s being mega produced by mega-producer Charles Roven who helped The Dark Knight make more money than many small nations last year. The Comingsoon article (linked previously on this paragraph because I felt like it) goes on to give a congratulatory handjob detailing how successful Blizzard (fuck Activision. They had no hand in this) has become because of WoW’s logic defying, life changing, near religious status amongst millions of nerds and non-nerds alike. And girls.
“At its core, ‘Warcraft’ is a fantastic, action-packed story,” said Raimi. “I am thrilled to work with such a dynamite production team to bring this project to the big screen.”
I won’t deny that, but does anybody really want to watch 2 to 3 hours of high fallutin’, serious as nails in the scrotum, fantasy? Because the Warcraft storyline isn’t exactly the type of cheap escapist fare most look for in a summer flick. On top of that, most pf the millions playing WoW probably don’t give two shits about the underlying storyline. They play for the social aspects and the never ending array of loot.
Unless the end result is some earth rending sword or another, I don’t think a single WoW players cares if an NPC dies or not.
But who cares about my opinion, right? The movie, as of now, is being made. It’ll probably cost the GDP of Niger to make and a mildly acned geek somewhere probably just creamed his pants.
I’m just not that confident the demand is there to justify this grossly expensive endeavour. At least we’ll get a solid movie because of Raimi.
Here’s a picture of Scarlett as Natasha Romanoff, aka the Black Widow. Despite the name, I’d still…y’know.
Admittedly I was a bit disappointed they didn’t hire an actual red head for the role, but damn I doubt very many women out there can look this good in whatever colour hair. Now, if only I can hear what her accent sounds like.
And here’s a very small image of her crawling all sexy and assassin like taken from EW. God, I wish real super-spies were like this. Not the unassuming, unrecognizable people they actually are (and should be).
A few more images from Iron Man 2 (though the others don’t have Scarlett and are old) can be found at Yahoo!
Ledger’s last role, as Tony in Terry Gilliam’s The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus (I mispelled that three times typing it), looks to be one realy weird, really fucked up movie. Which is kind of par for the course for Gilliam. I don’t really know much about the plot (and I’m choosing not to find out more), but the pictures do give me hope that this is going to be all sorts of messed up.
Thanks Comingsoon for these (they have a handful more, but these are the ones I’m geeking out over).
I loved the original season of Suzumiya Haruhi with a passion. It still stands right up there with Fruits Basket as the best anime ever released (in my opinion, so don’t shout) but whatever the fuck KyoAni was smoking this season, they should get a refund. Then they should shoot their supplier.
I understand experimental film making (or, in this case, animation). I also understand that the overwhelming majority of the time experimental = shit. Unfortunately not even KyoAni can escape that imaginary, but I assure you very accurate, generalisation.
This has been an absolute fucking disaster in every fucking way. Fuck. I don’t usually swear this fucking much but I am fucking mad. I hope you can forgive my fucking language for a little while longer.
It’s pretty much a groundhogs day storyline, except most sci-fi television shows and/or movies know when enough is enough. Usually it involves the characters becoming self aware fairly early on, have fun with the situation (doing crazy things they wouldn’t normally), and then everything is fixed in a timely ONE EPISODE manner.
Suzumiya Haruhi? They just reached episode 5 of this motherfucking arc, every character is still stuck exactly in the same situation and nobody is any closer to an assraping resolution. Nobody even tries to have any fun with the situation. They just do the exact same thing every episode. What’s really frustrating is the “mysterious” solution to this time warping conundrum is about as subtle as a brick to your jaw. And then a steel toed boot for good measure.
I figured out the second goddamned episode Haruhi probably wants to do her fucking homework but do any of the other characters realize this? Of course not. Maybe Nagato does but she doesn’t talk. I’m not positive this is the answer but I’ll eat crow if it isn’t. I don’t think the show could’ve telegraphed this fucker anymore clearly.
The show had gone from one of the smartest animated series to braindead dumb.
You know what’s especially exasperating? I just watched episode 2-5 of the new season back to back and it was bar none the most annoying experience I’ve ever had with anime. I can’t even imagine the suffering fans have gone through watching the show real time. For me it was a kin to a scraping chalkboard, only in concert with ten others, and repeated three times now.
I mean, what kind of retarded chimp logic goes into something like this? Budget saving? Nope, there’s new animation every episode. Good story telling? Uh, read the last few paragraphs. The only thing I can think of is that this is a deliberate move on KyoAni’s part to alienate every one of their fans and bankrupt themselves in the process.
Well congratu-fucking-lations you dick suckers, you’re well on your way. I won’t be buying season 2 on DVD when it comes here. Not with this shit happening. This is bad story telling and a minor act of torture rolled up into one.
And if you actually defend this crap? Well fuck you too. Here’s a friendly suggestion to anyone who hasn’t suffered this yet: If episode 6 is (if there’s a god) the conclusion, watch episode 2 and 3 and just skip to 6. Episode 4 and 5 are absolutely superfluous and add NOTHING except the characters in different yukatas and swimsuits for about 3 minutes.
If the next episode isn’t the end (and I have a nagging suspicion it isn’t) then this will officially be the biggest waste of a gigantic anime budget I’ve ever witnessed. In a way, it’s rather brave seeing that KyoAni is daring enough to shit diarrhea into the faces of their loyal (me included) fans in such a shitty economy (see what I did there?).
I guess it can be historic for that.
Poor Nagato. You deserve to be in a better show right now.
NOTE: I apologize for the “fuck you too” comment. Just a bit emotional here. But you have to admit, it’s hard to defend.