How to make any show better!

March 23, 2010
  • Evil twins: Everyone loves to hate a good bad guy. But what if you gave them that badass bad guy, times 2? Fucking orgy of love-hate, baby!
  • Explosions: Everyone loves things that go boom. How else can anyone stand Mythbusters?
  • Evil Beards: What’s the best thing you can give your main character? A menacing “I’mma stab you” beard!

What show has incorporated all of this? Why, Breaking Bad of course! Watch this fucking show!

If you have enough time to waste on Jersey Shore, I KNOW you have time for this.


Points of interest from Comic Con 2009

July 27, 2009
  • The last ever Lost panel (below) was both entertaining and surprisingly revealing. Okay, it wasn’t that revealing but the fact that Lindlelof and Cuse reveal anything at all is revealing.
  • Heroes is really, really trying to prove it doesn’t suck anywhere. It’s not really working. I mean, the only thing anyone is talking about is Claire kissing a girl (and I assume she liked it). The fact that anything about Clair is a highlight isn’t boding well for the upcoming season. FYI: I fucking despise Claire.
  • Well hello Tron trailer!
  • True Blood fans (ie, me and middle aged women) got more than they expected when the cast and crew spilled the beans on what next season will be about. Namely, Sookie is going to be more and more attracted to Eric (I’m not sure why, besides being a badass and all) and that the Mississippi vamps and werewolves are going to stir some shit up.
  • Chuck details! Apparently he won’t know karate all the time, which is a relief, and Awesome gets more action, which is, err, awesome.

What is also of note is just how much attention the Twilight sequel is getting. That movie is going to make a fucking fortune and my head will fall off due to prolonged periods of long, drawn out head shakes of disapproval.

The last ever Lost Comic Con panel!

July 27, 2009

Thanks to Tostie14 for posting the whole damn thing on Youtube! It’s always entertaining watching Lindlelof and Cuse shooting the shit on Lost. This last season cemented Lost as one of the greatest, most fucked up, television series ever to grace my hawk-like eyes. Pretenders have come (Invasion, Jericho, Heroes) have come and gone (or, in Heroes’ case, proved to be a first season fluke) while Lost continues to chug along with a full head of steam. The second season kiiiiind of underwhelmed, but the rest have been either strong or very strong.

Entourage returns!

July 13, 2009

entourageHBO’s best show returned last night, and it didn’t miss a beat. It was what I wanted it to be, with a lot of big changes for our bros (and queen).

Highlights include Lloyd growing a pair of balls and Vine “driving” a car. It was also a nice touch with Vince alone in his mansion at the end, realizing that no, he won’t be alright by himself sans the titled entourage.

Ari didn’t miss a step, using the F-word like Picasso uses a paint brush. Plus, it was an instant Ari moment what he does to Lloyd, both cruel and inciteful into his character.

What wasn’t so good? The Leno interview kind of sucked and why the fuck is Sloane still around? Honestly, her and E’s story arc in seasons past have always been amongst the boringest and here it is ignited once again. If anything it’s going to end in disaster and giving E a reason to move back in with Vince.

All in all, a solid opener that gave me exactly what I wanted – extreme bromance and Hollywood testosterone. I wished they showed some of Vince’s Scorcese flick, though. Past seasons with Aquaman and Medein (I have no fucking clue how to spell it) showed trailers and clips which were pretty awesome.

Thoughts on HBO’s Hung and EA’s FNR4

June 30, 2009
Alec Baldwin, heavyweight champion of the world

Alec Baldwin, heavyweight champion of the world

My entire week’s been dominated by Fight Night Round 4 and Hoop It Up over the weekend (apparently now named Ballers Unite, which is very gay). Seeing that my team and I did disastrously in our bid for basketball dominance (it was the first time I met and played with two of my team mates) let’s just talk about FNR4.

The Good:

  • Amazing graphics, but anyone reading this and actually cares already knows that. Fighters sweat, bleed and swell up all nice like. Knockouts are just as outrageous as ever, though I guess mouthpieces aren’t in the game anymore.
  • Killer soundtrack. The songs included are all awesome and the ability to import your own tune for your intro is a nice touch.
  • Create a boxer. I literally spent HOURS making fighters. I’ve made a Conan O’Brien, Jack Bauer, David Boreanez, amongst two dozen others. The ability to scan in someone’s picture and have the gamew build a face makes it rather addictive to populate your game with pop icons.

The Bad

  • Gamer face is kind of wonky. Yes, it works to a degree, but I had to manually adjust everyone to make them even resemble their real life counterparts.
  • Online seems laggy. This may very well just be me and my connection, but I’d think a 10MBPS pipeline was good enough. Turns out I was wrong, I guess.
  • Not a lot of modes. Just Fight Now, Legacy and online fighting.

The Ugly

  • Legacy is broken! Nearly every time I use a menu my 360 freezes up completely. Voicing my concerns at the FNR4 forums, it seems I’m not the first to experience this. Apparently it’s a bug with importing created fighters into the world. I guess I can alleviate it if I start over and not bring Jack Bauer into the fray, but fuck that. I was mainly excited about a career mode with Michael Jackson and Roky Balboa, and fuck EA if they don’t fix this.
This image is not indicitive of the show.

This image is not indicitive of the show.

The other part of my week was looking forward to the new Thomas Jane HBO vehicle Hung. Well, it premiered on Sunday and…

The Good

  • Thomas Jan still rocks. He’s just the perfect guy for this role, making me feel his plight.
  • Fat children. Too much TV has the characters having perfectly beautiful children, but not here. Jane has two fat twins who are far from attractive and I’ll give the show kudos for that.
  • Good concept and funny, to boot. It’s like Weeds and Breaking Bad, but with prostitution instead of drugs and it has the potential to be as good as Weeds. Not Breaking Bad, but definitely Weeds.

The Bad

  • Anne Heche kind of sucked. She was just consistently annoying at all times.
  • The children are walking stereotypes. The son is a finger nails painted goth while the daughter is dating someone named Hammer. Real original there.
  • The poet pimp. I like the idea of Jane having a female pimp, especially a poet pimp, but something about the actress who plays her just rubs me the wrong way.

The Ugly

  • Multple, shrieking orgasms.

True Blood is back and it’s awesome…in its own way

June 17, 2009

true-bloodI’ll be the first to admit that I kind of despised True Blood when it first aired. I gave the series three episodes to hook me, but it just kept pissing me off more and more. The story was weak and the characters were pathetically one dimensional. I was a huge fan of Six Feet Under, Alan Ball’s previous show. I’m of the opinion the final episode of SFU is one of the greatest pieces of television ever produced, especially the final ten minutes. It gives a new meaning to “finale.”

This is why I was so disappointed in True Blood at first. Was this just another John From Cincinnati? Where an awesome show creator comes off a creative high and just bombs? With John you had David Milch coming off of the incredible Deadwood to create the most mind numbingly awful shows in recent memory. Could True be Ball’s John? It sure looked like it.

But last summer when there was absolutely nothing else to watch, I loaded up the serie’s first season and decided I needed something to laugh at. And laugh I did. Many things about the show are laughable, from the writing to the acting, to the general production values. Then a realization struck me – I wasn’t laughing at the show anymore, I was laughing with it.

This is a show whose cast and crew don’t take seriously themselves, despite the plot being deadly serious. It’s like intentional B-rated television with a AAA production budget. There’s something oddly heroic, albeit a bit stupid, about that. As long as you don’t take any of the characters or situations seriously, there’s a lot of fun to be had here. Lots of nudity, bucket loads of gore and a good deal guilty pleasure likability.

Not high brow in the least, but damn fun to watch.

So, what about the season premier? Well, think of it less than an explosive premier and more a direct continuation of last season’s final episode. There are no shocking revelations to be had here, just the characters going about their business. Sookie is still stupid, idiotic Sookie and Bill is still hilariously deadpan Bill. Nothing new there, except for that vampire Bill had to change. She’s annoying as hell, but hot nonetheless. Jason is still enthralled by the anti-vampire cult, but who honestly doesn’t see him sleeping with the preacher’s wife?

The only “big” events were Lafayette’s capture (the reveal of his captor is awesome and makes sense) and more information on Sam’s relationship with vibrator woman. Apparently she statutorily raped his ass. Not necessarily a bad thing seeing that she’s a fine piece of tail.

Hmm, it really doesn’t sound like a glowing review does it? But that’s the point. There’s nothing glowing about the show. It is what it is, and it makes no apologies for it. The writing isn’t any snappier than it was and the acting is definitely still an inch or two about ludicrous. But that’s its charm. If you liked the first season, you’ll like this premier. If you hated the show (and I know a lot of people do) then this is just more of the same. No attempts were made to transcend itself. If anything they went the extra mile to stay the same.


According to Variety the show had the highest rating since Sopranos for HBO so obviously the show grew a larger following due to DVD sales. With 3.7 million viewers, it was 1.7 million more than last season’s finale and has positioned itself as the highest rated show for the network.

Just caught the first 10 minutes of Paris Hiltons BFF show…

June 11, 2009
We are all dumber for this

We are all dumber for this

…and I’m more retarded for it. The human race is more retarded for it. How this show exists and why people watch it boggles my mind. I’m also to believe this is the second season of Paris Hilton’s My New BFF which only depresses me even more.

Is it because Paris is hot? Because she’s one ugly person, both physically and mentally. I mean I get more turned on looking at fungus growing on a tree than I do Paris Hilton. Is it because she lives a glamorous lifestyle? Because all I see is a drug and alcohol filled stupor and venereal disease.

I get celebutantes and our fascination for them. Here are famous people that most others have nothing better to do than live vicariously through. Hell, I do that with George Clooney all the time. But I think there needs to be a differentiation between someone who is interesting, smart and glamorous and someone who is, well, Paris fucking Hilton. Kristen Stewart, despite her constantly greased up appearance and stoner eyes, at least worked her way to her position through quality acting and dedication. Hell, even Lindsey Lohan had to work for what she eventually pissed away. Paris Hilton was born with a silver spoon up her vagina and has a penchant for videotaped sex. She is a drunk, skanky, addict and really has very few redeeming qualities as a human being.

And yet millions of people watch her show weekly, and not just for ironic purposes (like I attempted and failed at doing) but because they legitimately adore Paris Hilton! Because they strive to be her! Because Paris Hilton is a role model. No wonder there are so many bitchy 16 year olds wanting Super Sweet 16s.

I really don’t blame the people. People are easily manipulated into wanting anything. Hell, I swerved on a street after seeing a billboard for Bud Light Lime so I can get to the Beer Store, and it sucked. But honestly, is there some kind of subliminal message being distributed around all the gossip rags and TMZs and Perez Hiltons forcing people to pay attention to Paris fucking Hilton? Because unlike a Bud Light Lime, Paris Hilton is an affront to human kind and all things decent.

As for the show – what..the..fuck? Paris Hilton picks friends on a reality show? There are actually people willing to humiliate themselves to be Paris Hilton’s fake best friend for a year? And I mean really want it? Because from what I can tell there isn’t a cash incentive for the lunacy, just a real desire to be close to their idol. It’s like watching an emotional snuff film.

I firmly believe this show has put humanity, and especially women, back a good century of advancement.