Random Matchups: Wolverine vs. Batman

March 22, 2010

Introducing a new regular (that was a lie) segment where whatever random matchup that dominates my mindset on any given day gets a platform to shine! Or to not make any sense. Whatever the case may be, I’ve got nothing else fer ya.

To inaugurate this most prestigious occasion, in which I’m not quite sure what prestigious means, let’s pit two of the most popular heroes from Marvel and DC’s pantheon in a head to head death match, to the death.

In the Yellow and Brown corner is…Wolverine!

  • Name: Wolverine AKA Logan AKA James Howlett AKA The short dude who says bub a lot AKA Wayne Gretzky.
  • Age: Old enough to be Larry King’s grandson.
  • Height: Extremely short, unless an artist forgets this. In which case he’s about 7’4.
  • Powers: Mutant healing factor making him immortal. Adamantium claws making him essentially a robot. Fierce scowl making him America’s next top model.
  • Pros: Tears people apart for little to no reason. Can never die, and has kicked Death’s ass for trying. Expert martial artist, who has such a fierce scowl.
  • Cons: Extremely short, emotional, and Canadian.

And in the Black and Gray corner is…Batman!

  • Name: Batman AKA ‘The’ Batman AKA Bruce Wayne AKA Matches Malone AKA Did you not read the last one?
  • Age: Eternally mid-30’s.
  • Height: Whatever Superman’s height it.
  • Powers: Can do, like, so many push-ups. A world class detective. Has the uncanny ability to have planned for every contingency, no matter how many random coincidences come up. A fierce scowl making him Wolverine’s #1 rival.
  • Pros: Is practically clairvoyant. Can do sit-ups. Kind of a jackass, but has a heart of gold (just like House!). Can do a roundhouse kick with the best of ’em. Shit ton of money. Scowl, baby.
  • Cons: Possibly a pedophile. Just a dude who works out, really. Is currently stuck in time, like Scott Bakula and last season of Lost.

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Scarlett Johansson in Iron Man 2

July 21, 2009

Here’s a picture of Scarlett as Natasha Romanoff, aka the Black Widow. Despite the name, I’d still…y’know.

Admittedly I was a bit disappointed they didn’t hire an actual red head for the role, but damn I doubt very many women out there can look this good in whatever colour hair. Now, if only I can hear what her accent sounds like.


And here’s a very small image of her crawling all sexy and assassin like taken from EW. God, I wish real super-spies were like this. Not the unassuming, unrecognizable people they actually are (and should be).

Scarlett 2

A few more images from Iron Man 2 (though the others don’t have Scarlett and are old) can be found at Yahoo!

Natalie Portman as Jane Foster in Thor

July 13, 2009
You can nurse me anytime.

You can nurse me anytime.

Earlier today Marvel extravagantly announced Natalie Preteen Assassin Portman will be playing Thor’s human love interest Jane Foster, which is weird because I had thought this was going to be a more Norse-centric story.

I guess I was wrong.

I’m a fan of Portman’s earlier work. Well, I was a fan of her in Leon The Professional. Well, I liked Jean Reno. And she was standing next to him a lot, so I guess I liked her second hand. Don’t much like her work elsewhere (Star Wars prequels and whatever the hell else she’s been in), but she sure is pretty and nurse-like, I guess.

Portman’s starring opposite Chris Hemsworth, who many won’t know as Kirk’s suiciding father in Star Trek. I guess that first five minutes was strong enough to land him a role in a $100+ (BIG ‘+’) million potential blockbuster. I’m still not quite sure if the movie has the same legs as Marvel’s Iron Man or X-Men, what with it being about Asgardian gods dressed in fancy outfits saying “thee” and “thou” and “wiggeshnicker” (okay, maybe not that one).

Writes Marvel of the story – “At the center of the story is The Mighty Thor, a powerful but arrogant warrior whose reckless actions reignite an ancient war. Thor is cast down to Earth and forced to live among humans as punishment. Once here, Thor learns what it takes to be a true hero when the most dangerous villain of his world sends the darkest forces of Asgard to invade Earth.”

Sounds very…iffy. Still, I love the character in the comics and at the very least diehard fans will come out in droves to see this.

Also iffy is Kenneth Branagh directing the movie. I hate the guy, mainly because I was forced to watch every fucking movie he’s made during high school English classes. I can’t equate him with anything other than Shakespeare and I despise him uncompromisingly and unjustifiably.

The movie comes out May 20th, 2011 which is only a few scant months before Marvel’s other summer tentpole, Captain America.

Here’s a Kick-Ass picture!

July 11, 2009
Courtesy of Aintitcool

Courtesy of Aintitcool

Well, Reynold’s nails Hald Jordan

July 11, 2009

Eh, close enough.

Eh, close enough.

Well, it seems the dust finally settled and my third favourite comic hero (behind Batman and Booster Gold) is…Ryan Reynolds! What? Variety reports it’s a done deal and that I should fucking get over it.

In not so many personally targeted words.

I thought for sure the studio had settled on Cooper, especially after weeks of news tidbits all but having him name his first born Hal. I guess this is less shocking, and more of a “wuh?” moment. But what’s done is done, and Van Wilder is our next (well, first) big screen Green Lantern.

It’s not all bad. It could’ve been Justin Trimberlake, the other front runner, after all. At least in Reynolds you have someone who likes being in comic book movies (he was Hannibal King in Blade…III- sorry, just threw up there – and Deadpool in Wolverine Or…oh god. At least Deapool will be good, right? Man, this bracketed aside just got too long). He’s definitely got the body for playing the all American superstud (despite being all Canadian), and hey, I think he’s funny despite what seems to be copious amounts of naysayers out there.

The movie starts shooting in January near Oa, for a 2011 release.

All in all, I still want Nathan Fillion or David Boreanez. But I’ll settle.

Down to three Lanterns

July 10, 2009
Do you honestly think he isn't Hal Jordan by now?

Do you honestly think he isn't Hal Jordan by now?

I had thought Bradley Cooper had things wrapped up, but apparently he’s only one of three finalists. THR reports that director Martin Campbell (the guy who saved Bond with Casino Royale before the series fucked up again with Quantum), producer Donald De Line and the studio executives each had differing favourites.

But really, I don’t have a doubt in my mind that Bradley Cooper has it at this point. He just came off of the huge Hangover and he’s going to be in Joe Carnahan’s A-Team. He’s one of the “it” guys in Hollywood right now, without the massive salary.

I mean, the other options are Ryan Reynolds and Justin fucking Timberlake. Reynolds has his own superhero (Deadpool. Or is it antihero?) to look after, though if he somehow get’s the role he at least already looks like a superhero physically.

Timberlake, though, is so wrong for the role it’s sickening. I like the guy whenever he’s on SNL but he doesn’t have the physical components, gravitas and, well, age to play Hal Jordan.

Another point of contention is that the movie could easily cross the $200 million budget, seeing that it’s a superhero movie on a cosmic level. But damnit, if there’s any good in the world this movie deserves the same budget as the brain dead Revenge of the Fallen.

PS, I still want the studios to hire Nathan Fillion for this, but fuck them they’re too stupid to do it. Or David Boreanez, but fuck them again for similar reasons.

Kick-Ass footage premiering at Comic-Con

July 2, 2009
Here's the movie's Hit Girl, looking nothing like the comics. Oh well.

Here's the movie's Hit Girl, looking nothing like the comics. Oh well.

It’s still in the air whether or not I trek on down to Comic-Con, but this is definitely an incentive to go. Matthew Vaughn plans to premier some footage of Kick-Ass and that, well, kicks ass.

A specific time hasn’t been given, but Superherohype expects it somewhere near the tail end of Thursday, July23rd.

I’ve been a fan of the comic (y’know, when it gets released every 7 years) and if Vaughn doesn’t tone anything down we’ll all be having a bloody good time in the theaters. Mark Millar’s tale isn’t exactly a literary classic, but it does lend itself to being a solid, hyper-violent action flick.

The only real problem I’m having with the movie is casting Christopher Mintz-Plasse as Red Mist. I like Plasse in the movies I’ve seen him in, but he is so far away from looking like Red Mist it isn’t even funny. But I guess he really just needs to act stoned.

Also, there’s that part with Nicholas Cage being involved as Hit Girl’s Big Daddy. Nicholas Cage is pretty much a one trick pony and I hope they don’t give him too much to do, though I’m betting that won’t be the case.

Yeeaaah.....not quite.

Yeeaaah.....not quite.